I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
