in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
