You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
