Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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