nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Redeem this text for a blowjob
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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