You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
