Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
