need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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