You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
