i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
