community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
