Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
