I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
