The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can I color on your dick again?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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