Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
