I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm lost and stupid without you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
