So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
