i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
