I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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