Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
