yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
another moral hangover. fuck.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
