5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
