You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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