Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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