Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
