just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
