I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
