i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
