forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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