I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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