I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
