Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I am spending my child support on dildos
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
