i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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