i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
