I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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