Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
