hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
