Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
