I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
