I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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