Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
