im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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