Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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