My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
