i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
