please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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