Taylor Swift is so right about you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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