I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
