Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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