my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
