I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
