His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
