I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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