i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
